Interview with patch master Kürtis of Starside Relics

Infernal hailz and Canadian ales to you Kürtis!

Vödkamizer: I've been corresponding with you online for too many years for me to try and remember but only relatively recently have I noticed Starside Relics patch releases. What prompted you to get into getting these patches made and how has it been for you so far?

Kürtis: We actually started up shortly after November of 2016 and have released small runs of patches intermittently since then. Our first patch, and the band that inspired me to start doing it was Germany's Mayhemic Truth. After seeing them perform live and then being unable to obtain any patches for them, I decided to reach out and ask to make some. I got inspiration for the distro name from Brian Lumley's Necroscope novel series, and Starside Relics was born. 

Vödkamizer: Through previous conversations we've had you have told me about your pricing for big bands vs. smaller bands. Does this passion break even or pay out decently or is it more just for making sikk patches?

Kürtis: As I'm relatively new to working with this many different bands it's sort of a learning experience for myself. Some of them ask for far more than others. After working with dozens of bands I've learned what is appropriate to offer them, and when to back out because I wouldn't be able to recoup any money. As of right now I've broken even on each patch release, but I expect with growing popularity that I will become profitable eventually. Even if this doesn't happen I won't be dissuaded, this was started 100 percent out of passion for the bands and the music they make. 

Vödkamizer: You've released official patches for some heavy weight names such as Razor, Iron Angel, Jag Panzer and more, next to patches from relatively unknown bands. What is your process of deciding what patches to release? I assume the bigger ones are more personal preference but when a smaller band approaches you to release their patch, is there any criteria they have to meet in order for you to want to bother with it?

Kürtis: Most of the smaller bands I've worked with are also bands I've approached. Some have reached out to me personally, but I'd say 95 percent of the bands I've released patches for are bands I've approached myself. The decision process is: 1. It has to be a band I love and worship (which is an insane amount of bands) and 2. Patches are not currently widely available, or at the very least the design I'm working with isn't. 

If a smaller band is willing to pay for part of the manufacturing process that's helpful as well, because then I can give them more of the patches to sell themselves. So far I've only asked this for bands who want more than 50 patches made. 

Vödkamizer: I understand that it can be expensive or impossible to release an official patch for certain bigger bands, them often expecting sums of money along with percentages of the product just to be able to have them made. Other bands simply are defunct and have no representation in order to get the product made through licensed means. How often has this been the case so far in Starside Relics' history and are there any particularly interesting stories around this?

Kürtis: I'd say out of every 10 bands I contact asking to make patches at least 5 or 6 get back to me with a definitive answer, and at least 3 of them give an immediate yes. There have been cases where I reached out to the entirely wrong person who happens to share a name with an individual from a band I'm attempting to work with. "Thanks, but that's not my band so I can't give you permission" is always a funny thing to hear back. It's difficult when it's an obscure speed metal band from the 80's with literally one picture of any of the members. 

Vödkamizer: Is there a band you'd be willing to take a major loss in order to release a sikk patch design for?

Kürtis: Black Magick SS and Villagers of Ioannina City, 2 bands I'm completely obsessed with right now and would give my left leg to make patches for. 

Vödkamizer: You have released several patches inspired by TV shows and movies such as "The Young Ones" and "American Werewolf in London". What are some other titles you'd love to do a patch of and are any of your film inspired patches officially lincensed? If so then how was the process compared to getting a license from a band?

Kürtis: The licensing process for movie related patches is different, since I'm getting a license for the original piece of artwork created by a fan instead of rights by the director or producers. Generally I find a very well made piece of fan-art, and offer them the same deal I offer bands for their art. I call my American Werewolf patches official since I contacted the original artist, but I'm sure John Landis would send me a boilerplate cease and desist hahah. 

Vödkamizer: Following your posts on Facebook and Instagram, I see you've been getting into design. How many of your patches do you design yourself and which one or ones are you particularly proud of?

Kürtis: My main designer is a guy from Costa Rica named Diego Ballar that I met through the cassette trading groups many years ago. Actually, him being willing to allow me to use some of his designs is partially what inspired me to start doing patches with this increased regularity. I love his designs, and love working with him. I'd say it's about 50/50 at the moment for who designs what. He did almost ALL of the Razor patches I've released so far. 

                            

Vödkamizer: Bootlegging is a much debated topic in the patch jacket community. Most bootlegs I personally own are made due to there being no other alternative. What is your personal opinion on bootlegging patches and merch in general?

Kürtis: As somebody who produces bootleg merchandise I have to defend it, but I understand why some people hate them so much. I'll buy a bootleg LP, patch or t-shirt, but if I notice the band has started to make merchandise I'll buy from them and support them immediately almost as "penance" for buying the bootleg stuff before anything official was available. 

My reasoning for manufacturing bootleg patches is simple: money. 

I want to be able to offer patches as cheaply as possible to save my customers money, and working with some bands and having to send them a significant portion of the patches barely even allows room to break even. I find that I can counter this effect by offering some bootleg patches for larger bands like Iron Maiden and Kreator, but I try to make them as unique as possible. The entire point is to keep my patches at the 7.50 CAD price point, which as far as I can tell is cheaper than pretty much anybody else offers official merchandise for. 

Vödkamizer: What are some bigger bands that you are working on releasing for or wish you could release for?

Kürtis: My next batch has official Sabbat (Japan) and Jag Panzer stuff, so that's about as big as I ever thought I'd be able to go. Judas Priest would be my dream band to work with, but that seems basically impossible.

Vödkamizer: Do you have any patch jacket sewing tips you'd care or be bothered to share?

Kürtis: A LONG time ago I started pinning my jacket down onto a large cardboard box and then pinning all my patches in place before sewing them on. Crooked patches are a thing of the past. Plus it allows me more room to lay out the patches in an aesthetic manner instead of the way I used to do it just sitting cross legged with my jacket in my lap sewing with no precision whatsoever. Doubling up the thread is important too. Also, dental floss works pretty well instead of white thread in some cases. 

Vödkamizer: Who are some other patch distributors you fükk with? 

Kürtis: Dark Prods, Woodsmoke Prods, Whispers of Death Patches, Woven Hoof, Polterguise Printing. I know there's others I can't remember now, I'll send you free patches when you tell me later that I forgot to mention you. 

Vödkamizer: Any shout outs or acknowledgements you'd like to make before we sign off?

Kürtis: My best friend runs a distro in Canada called Spruce Bog (@spruceb0g). They specialize in small runs of cult black metal cassette releases. Definitely check them out. Thanks to Eric of Sküllfükk SS for the interview! Hope you guys like the patches coming your way shortly! 

Cheers to you maniaKKKurtis and may your threads never break!

You all can look forward to Starside Relics releasing two different Sküllfükk SS patch designs in the very near future.

You can check out his wares at: https://starsiderelics.bigcartel.com/

And follow him on Facebook to stay updated on future releases at: https://www.facebook.com/StarsideRelics

On the beginning of Sküllfükk Satänik Slüts...

Introduction to me and my band:

I am Eric, though here I will go by my publicly shared alter-ego, Vödkamizer, a name given to me by a friend while drinking and discussing the concept of an alcohol themed fantasy MMORPG. I play in a band in Estonia called Sküllfükk Satänik Slüts or 'Sküllfükk SS' for short (we used to go by the latter publicly but social media does not like it so we have to spell out the full name).

    The concept of my band came to me originally around 2013 while I was filling in as rhythm guitar in the bands Tapper and Ulguränd. It was going to be my take on underground black/thrash. Heavily inspired by movies like Heavy Metal, Return of The Living Dead, Apocalypse Now, and so forth... but I was too shit on guitar to even begin writing music. I shelved the idea for years.
    

    My world saw a lot of pain and struggle in the second half of 2017 and I ended up on a drinking binge that lasted months. During it, I met a musician (who we now call Motörbreath) online who happened to live in the same town as me, though he is from Iceland. I got particularly drunk and pissed off one night during the long winter and I hit him up pitching the idea to start a 'black/death/speed metal' band, taking a lot of inspiration from the Aussie bands Deströyer 666, Vomitor, Gospel of The Horns, and so forth.

                         

  

  We met up a couple weeks after the discussion and began working on music and concepts, both clicking very well with the Heavy Metal and Mad Max approach to writing lyrics. Describing alcoholic apocalyptic wasteland orgy hordes and murderous dominatrix queens in our lyrics and creating an image for the band based on that world. I pitched him the name which I originally came up with when first conceptualizing the project and he went for it.

    Over the next year we did not see much activity but we did end up with 4 written songs. One we wrote together, one which I wrote myself, and two which he wrote. He is very much the superior musician and has a lot more experience in almost all the required fields in order to make a band happen. I had a lot of drive, ideas, contacts, and live experience to put in the mix. We recruited a drummer who I already had years of experience playing with and we gave him the name Beerhämmer with a promise that the band plays 'speed metal. like the band Chrome Division' which was a big fat lie.

    We play our own brand of speed metal. Stealing heavily from older bands like Motörhead, Tank, Piledriver, Venom, Girlschool. Later bands like Abigail, Shitfucker, GG Allin (and his however many bands), The Accüsed, Deströyer 666, Vomitor, Gospel of The Horns, and so many more. If we like a song, we are likely to find a way to rip it off without anyone even noticing the similarities.

    I go very much by the philosophy that there is no point in spending so much time trying to be original when you can just rip off all the bands you love. And they did it too. There is not a band out there that is decently successful that doesn't reference another artist or band in its music so we just took that idea and added a bit more to it by often straight up copying a riff here and there, or referencing lyrics from a song we love, maybe change a couple words here and there to fit our own theme better.

                        

    And one thing we definitely love to rip off is imagery. There is not a single image we have that does not reference something else. A huge inspiration on our visual aesthetic is from the movie 'Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS' which pushed us further into the BDSM aesthetic as well as lyrical themes, though we do not limit ourselves to this. If Motörbreath or I come up with an idea, we pitch it to the other and see how it feels. If we both aren't into it, it gets tossed in the trash where it belongs. If we can't convince our own members that it is a good idea then it never will be good for anyone else.

                

    Throughout 2018 and 2019 we spent most time working on songs, costume design, and so forth and starting in 2019 we took to the stage. We were very well received locally and for our first public gig we decided 'fükk it' and put a bunch of shitty rehearsal reference recordings on cassette tapes and sold them to sükkers as a 'rehearsal demo'. The whole idea was just so that we had something to present at our first gig. They sold out immediately as we only made like... 20 of them. A bunch of them were faulty even but we got most fixed.



    Since starting live we have played only a handful of concerts. Our first gig ever was a test concert at an underground music festival called 'Kurista Kurimuusika' which is invite-only so it was a great place to showcase our shit. After that we have had 3 concerts in Tartu, 1 in Tallinn, and we were fortunate enough to be the first band to play at 2020's Hard Rock Laager metal festival. The festival was big for us as it was the best promotion we could get at this time and it was during fükking 2020. We are lucky enough to be one of the relatively few bands in the world that was able to play gigs during 2020.

    We have scammed people out of money with our t-shirt scheme. Come up with sikk designs and watch the sheep flock with all their money. Now we are expanding into patches and working on a split album, a demo album, a full length album, and more.

We'll see how long we can keep this shit up. - Vödkamizer










Photos by Erlend Staub, Rauno Vahtre, and Muumi Photography